Long Distance Relationship - 2 In The Past, Do... | Gather

July 23, 2011 06:26 PM EDT (Updated: July 23, 2011 06:30 PM EDT)

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In baseball, it's 3 strikes and your out.? Do I need to try the long distance relationship 3 times to realize that it's "out" or not the right thing?

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Back in early 2007, I was finishing my final semester of college in Boston and through an online dating service met a man in Philadelphia.? I was moving home to New York once I graduated and he was looking to move to New York, his favorite city, as well.? He came to Boston to meet me and we clicked and began seeing one another.? We dated for 8 months until he broke up with me stating that he was too busy to be able to balance the distance with his busy regional vice president / financial planner job.? Work came first and throughout our relationship, his work ALWAYS came first.? My getting over the breakup was documented in a few articles here on Gather.

Three years later in July 2010, on the same website, I met a man who is originally from Brooklyn and was finishing up his commitment as a dentist for the U.S. Army.? He is stationed in Germany.? We Skyped every day and when he came home to visit his family in October 2010, we met and completed clicked.? I flew to Germany right after Thanksgiving.? In between, we continued to Skype every day.? In February, the communication on his part started to dwindle.? His attention was clearly elsewhere.? He would disappear for days, and I even went into a complete panic once when I couldn't reach him for 5 days in a row.? Turns out, he'd gone skiing in Northern Italy with friends.? Anyhow, at that point, we'd go weeks barely talking, he claimed to be busy.? Finally in April we spoke? on a Friday morning via GMail Chat and he said he'd call me that evening.? He never called.? Turns out he was on his way to NY but he never told me.? I ended up having to break up with him in an email.? In the end, it came out that he has no intention of leaving the army.? Practicing dentistry for the U.S. Army will be his career until he retires? I felt like someone pulled one over on me.? I felt used and hurt and I felt as though I wasted my time (and travel funds).

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Once would think I'd learn my lesson right?? I promised myself I would only date within the New York tri-state area.

Well, a lovely man doing his fellowship in New Orleans contacted me recently.? I was incredibly hesitant to open his profile or respond to his email.? I gave it a couple of days before I finally opened his profile and it turns out we have so much in common, and we want the same thing out of life.? I followed my heart and hesitantly responded to his email.? We spoke on the phone and have been doing so everyday now for a week.? He is planning a visit to New York in early September, once he takes his boards and returns from a family vacation to Paris.? We have wonderful conversations and we have so much in common and have very similar upbringings and morals and values.? He is aware of my most recent situation and said that if it works, he is more committed than that.? He told me he gets 40 weekends a year off as a fellow and he has many friends and a lot of family in New York, not to mention he loves New York.

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My head is telling me to stop this now.? Don't get involved.? Don't do this to myself again.? I deserve someone who is more available.? Someone who is in New York, who I can see regularly and go on dates with and get to know properly.

My heart is telling me to go with this and see where it takes me.

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I haven't met him in person yet but we've spoken on the phone every day and Skyped.? My concern is that meeting him, I'll really like him more than I already do.? I need to decide now whether I want him to come up to NY.? Once I meet him in person, and if I like him, there is no turning back.? At least before I meet him, I can cut it off without having gotten to know him and spend that time with him in person.? My friends tell? me to go with it and see where it takes me.? When I told my mom, she yelled at me telling me not to do this again.

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UGH.? I hate being torn up about this.? So do I follow my heart or my head?? Do I go for that third time and see if I can hit a homerun?? What if I strike out again and end up with a broken heart?

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Source: http://susanvvv.gather.com/viewArticle.action?articleId=281474979711784

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